Somehow this escaped me at the time! There's some really great description in this and I love the opening. You might be right about the longer form. That would help your transitions between the characters and to develop and mesh the fantasy element a bit more. I'm not entirely sure we needed the missionary guy in a story this length, save for his role in ending the story. I think just the tribe of women and the animals would have been intriguing enough.
Thanks for the feedback Jamie. I think you're probably right. I don't think I had the confidence to leave him out - to rely just on the women and animals. I'll definitely try to do something with this in the future..
The basic rule for me is that if you're going to kill someone off then the reader had better care about them first! That's not to say we need to love them, hating a character is every bit as effective, or sympathising, or being irritated by, or anything else... The point being, a character needs to be developed before they die. There was nothing wrong with this really (and tbh I probably disliked him sufficiently just because he was a missionary!) but yeah, I just found the other elements more interesting. And I think I wanted to know more about the fantasy stuff and the communion with the animals. Not in a gratuitous way, you understand...like, don't go writing stories about bestiality or anything...
Somehow this escaped me at the time! There's some really great description in this and I love the opening. You might be right about the longer form. That would help your transitions between the characters and to develop and mesh the fantasy element a bit more. I'm not entirely sure we needed the missionary guy in a story this length, save for his role in ending the story. I think just the tribe of women and the animals would have been intriguing enough.
Thanks for the feedback Jamie. I think you're probably right. I don't think I had the confidence to leave him out - to rely just on the women and animals. I'll definitely try to do something with this in the future..
The basic rule for me is that if you're going to kill someone off then the reader had better care about them first! That's not to say we need to love them, hating a character is every bit as effective, or sympathising, or being irritated by, or anything else... The point being, a character needs to be developed before they die. There was nothing wrong with this really (and tbh I probably disliked him sufficiently just because he was a missionary!) but yeah, I just found the other elements more interesting. And I think I wanted to know more about the fantasy stuff and the communion with the animals. Not in a gratuitous way, you understand...like, don't go writing stories about bestiality or anything...
Beautifully vivid and descriptive Rich. We love it. Keep 'em coming!
Thanks man. I might keep writing this in long format. Something to do...